“Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.”
― Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl
Although Amy Dunne was a stark raving lunatic, I can’t help but love this standout show of feminism. There is definitely a whole lot of truth to that quote. Every woman’s journey of self discovery involves the battle of trying to be the epitome of what every man (or that one special man) desires. We alter the clothes we wear, we fabricate interests to align with theirs, we play down our intellect and emotional side in an attempt to appear aloof and mysterious. And if it’s not a man, it’s the popular girl we want to impress, our our boss or some other person we feel the need to be accepted by.
I’ve never been the girl that could fit in very well or very easily. I wasn’t cool in high school. I wasn’t highly desired by boys due to my stick thin frame and train track braces. I didn’t quite fit in with the popular girls because I couldn’t relate to a lot of the experiences they were having with boys, make up and the like. I was much more interested in books, art and Buffy the Vampire Slayer (yes, very uncool to some but I will be a Buffy fan for life). I have never been the ‘girly girl’ – I dislike anything overtly feminine and prissy like excess pastels or floral ensembles. I used to rip the bows off of my school shoes as a kid and untie the ribbons in my hair. I hated wearing dresses or skirts and preferred to play video games with my male cousins (Hey Matt :P). With that said, I’ve never been ‘one of the boys’ either. I’m not into sports or gadgets and let’s face it, 9 times out of 10 men usually tend to have ulterior motives (I am too long in the tooth for that platonic BS – Show me a girl with more than 2 non gay male friends outside of a business arrangement and I’ll show you a ‘situation’).
Truth be told I’m genuinely just a cool girl. I am very direct and opinionated and I accept my strengths as well as owning my flaws. I am particular – borderline obsessive, I am a workaholic, and I can be very sensitive. I have a wild side, and (being a born and raised brixtonite) a crazy ass ghetto side. I’m impatient, I have high standards and even higher values. I dream big and so surround myself with like minded, creative dreamers with real go getter instinct and entrepreneurial spirit. My circle of friends come from all walks of life and backgrounds; but they all have one thing in common – They’re cool peoples. And by cool I mean, strong willed, independent, fiercely loyal and a little quirky. They are 100% themselves in any scenario or social group. They are not afraid to be different, have no desire to conform and are completely unapologetic for they way in which they choose to live their lives. They need zero validation from others and could care less of your opinion of them. Similarly they are the least judgemental of others, are open minded and have the biggest hearts. It’s true what they say, ‘real recognises real’ so if you find yourself complaining about fake friends or fake people I would take a look at what you’re putting out there… and consequently what you are attracting…
So yes, I’m a cool girl – but probably not yours or Amy Dunnes definition of such. And I’m okay with that. I’m just me – Unapologetically so.
And I happen to think I’m pretty cool.